just returned from a family function that involved me being surrounded by a clusters of soccer-moms with less than stellar shoe choices. i was so mortified by the lack of imagination, ingenuity or panache on the part of the herd in total. by blurting out tourette syndrome-like phrases such as; "is your minivan blue? i think your lights were on", or "is that your katelyn in pink? she just did a full back layover without a spotter!", it afforded me to steal a few shots for evidence.
exhibit A: brown clog with man dress-sox. this woman has completely given up...
activist. super long brown crystal gayle hair. earthy, crunchy, crusty. alternative fuel vehicle. addicted to soap opera's to satisfy the commercial, material consumerism she proposes to rage against. used to go to burning man until drum circle proved to be another form of 'advertising' for networking telemarketers. stays informed thru prevention magazine. loves 24 hr news channels, but hates reality shows. cloth diapers for kids. whole foods market. organic clothing bought at co-ops, online guatemalan shirt dresses.
exhibit B: black open-toe ex-hooker wedge. this woman is still hanging on to her 'metal years'...
former 'exotic' dancer. old rock bitch. big roller spray curls. not a shoe, not a clog, not a sandal...but a post-clear heel. pines for 8th grade boyfriend to roll back into town and sweep her off her feet in '78 firebird she lost her virginity in. goes to gym in full make-up and match-y outfit sucking on a carmel frappacino in b/w sets of calf raises (to 'tone', of course). gets all news from usa today. addicted to reality tv
washes kids in the deep dish kitchen sink, when it's not full of paper plates from the corner arby's. thinks it's 'cute' to dress daughter in similar harlot-like clothing better suited for 'nickel nite' at a whorehouse. target. catalog shopping exclusively at victoria's secret.
exhibit C: brown mandal. this mom merely exists...
lunch lady. tight matted perm. prefers cafeteria food. wished tom hanks and meg ryan were in EVERY movie. keeps up on current events thru tv guide. buys whatever coupon available for newest huggies range. has same color crocs as daughter, even mirroring the exact same jibbitz flair. dislikes finding cold-water in dirty pans. loves tapioca pudding. walmart. dress barn
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